The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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