My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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