i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
