Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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