I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
