Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
