My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
