i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
