is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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