After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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