I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
