I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
