I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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