can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
