the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
whose parrot is this?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
