Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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