It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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