didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
