end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
