Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
