i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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