I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize