Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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