If that was your dad, he is hot
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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