My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize