please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
