my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I party with great urgency now.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
