dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
