she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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