you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
