We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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