I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
