Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
