I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
