He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
