worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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