I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
