I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
