11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
