i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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