areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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