i don't like sucking hair
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize