what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
someone owes me an orgasm
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
then he tried to convert me to islam
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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