I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
