You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm just crazy horny about you
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize