she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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