you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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