R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
