apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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