well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
