you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
