Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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