Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
