Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
