but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
