Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I smell stomach acid.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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