Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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