Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
