She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
my liver is dry heaving
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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