I showed him my bush... on skype.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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