also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
