I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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