i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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