Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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