I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
