He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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