Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize