Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
