So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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